Today, started off good. I was happy to be done with school and to start my Thanksgiving break. I was happy to be going home, and once I got home.. the sh*t hit the fan.
I was disrespected today. By someone very close to me. I was hurt today. By someone very close to me.
I am not one to let things bother me. I let things go in one ear and out the other.. roll off my shoulder. I forgive and forget.
But this time... I just don't know if I can.
Today... when I got home... I danced... for about 2 hours. Then, I was feeling so good about myself that I decided to talk with someone whom I love dearly and think so highly of. I told this person exactly how I have been feeling lately. I told them that I have so much more confidence, I am such a different person now that I have lost weight. I have self esteem more than I ever have in the past. I feel comfortable in my own skin. I can record myself dancing and not cringe when I play it back. I have evolved as a dancer because of this weight loss and newly found confidence. I spilled out all my positive energy onto this person thinking that they would be happy for me. For far too long, I was depressed, and had lost all self esteem. I thought it was about time for this person to know just how much I have changed and how better I feel now. Just talking about it with them brought me to tears, because I would have never thought the words "I am happy" would be coming out of my mouth. Because, I have been truly happy ever since I lost the bulk of this weight.
I don't know. Maybe I went too far. Maybe I sounded conceited.
But whatever it was... Someone that I trust, someone that I love, told me that I am too self-absorbed. Told me, I have turned into a selfish person ever since I lost weight. This person told me that I am letting the weight loss get to my head... that I think way to highly of myself. That I am becoming "too pretty". This person told me that they thought it was so weird that I record myself dancing. "What, so you can look at how gorgeous you are everyday? Are you really that self absorbed?" They told me that weight watchers is ridiculous and that I might as well throw up while I'm at it. They told me I have changed for the worst... that I have become obsessed with weight and with my body. "Just because you lost a little bit of weight doesn't mean you need to buy new clothes all the time and plaster pictures of yourself all over the internet... but you know... that's what people who lose weight do. They get obsessed with themselves, and they love looking at themselves. It's really sad that you have become one of them."
I've been told this kind of thing before. But not to this extent. I was caught off guard. I was not expecting this. I just sat there, listening to the stupidity in silence. I didn't respond. I just sat there. I didn't know what to say. I don't know what to think. I don't know if I can forgive and forget this time.
Am I really that self absorbed and conceited?
Is it a sin to be happy?
I am finally happy with myself and as soon as I am... why does someone always feel the need to bring me down?
Just because I am not depressed and upset with myself, does that mean that person needed to bring me down with them?
I HATED my body. I HATED myself.
I DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
And now... I LOVE WHO I AM.
Do I need to apologize for that?
I don't think so. And I'm not going to.
Words can be so powerful, so hurtful. If only this person knew how much they hurt me.
May tomorrow be a better day.
Til then,
Karla =/
who said this??
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. I'm this close to booking a flight up there and opening a can of whoop ass on that person.
ReplyDeleteDo they even understand a damn word that came out of their mouth? Do they even know the meaning of being compassionate and loving and understanding. Do they have ANY IDEA the kind of pain and hardships that people go through during a weight loss transformation.
You are right about one thing. That person is very jealous. They are unhappy in their own life and now that you aren't unhappy they have no one to make them feel better about themselves.
The person should have listened to their own words about being self involved and selfish. Because they were talking about themselves.
I hope that you know that it's not you Karla. It's them. You have made amazing strides both physically and emotionally. Your road has been full of struggles but you perservered and you are kicking ass.
And in the future, don't feel as if you have to hold back on your feelings in case someone might strike out at you like this. Just remember that sometimes, even the people who are supposed to love you, don't truly know what that even means.
Take care of YOU. The people that matter will still be standing there with you despite all the awesome (or stupid) things you may do in your life. :)
Love,
Your Kansas Buddy
Oh Karla, I am so sorry you had this encounter. From someone who is many years older then you, but in the same predicament many times, I just want to hug you!
ReplyDeleteMy husband has a hard time with my weightloss lately. Why? Because he feel bad about himself, but he is too lazy to do anything about it. Not my problem. I LOVE who I am, and just because I have enough confidence in what I have become, that I loke to post pics of me, just being in front of the camera is a miracle. LOL I don't have too many pics of myself ~ unfortunately when Iw as at my toop weight. I HID! I am tired of hiding! THAT is not an option. If others' can't enjoy this ride, and love the EXTRA attention they get because I finally feel free enough to be ME ~ then so be it.
Just keep being you my dear!
Hi, this is my first visit here. I am so sorry for what you are going through. It makes me wonder if this person ever supported your weight loss. Was it this kind of treatment that helped you GAIN weight originally?
ReplyDeleteWhen people lose weight it isn't out of the ordinary to be excited to buy new clothes or to be happy to have a picture taken. As far as being taped dancing, I know a woman who does ballroom competitions and regularly tapes herself as a way to check for flaws in her routine. I wouldn't think that was out of the ordinary.
Some people feel bad about themselves when they see others succeed at something they have failed to do. With this person, you may want to keep some of your successes to yourself. I hope he/she was just having a bad day.
Wow Karla, this brought back memories for me of many kind hearted things but at the same time many mean spirted things I have heard from people in my journey of losing weight. I remember a girl that I hooked up with say you were nicer when you were overweight. I couldn't disagree more but I think she just was upset we weren't together. Anyways, don't let a naysayer get to you. You have changed your life for the better and it took a lot of courage to do it.
ReplyDeleteSome people want you to stay at their level.
Any help is Huge! I am hurting financially and really want to participate on the 6th! Anyone?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.active.com/donate/lv09lasvegas/vegas09EGould
WOW. I am so sorry you had that difficult exchange.
ReplyDeleteI also recently lost 22 pounds. I too have come to realize that not everyone gets how it feels to lose it & be happy about it. They didn't go through the struggle, the changes made, healthy & exercise implemented & they don't really understand.
It does feel wonderful to go shopping for new clothes. Yes, you most likely do need new clothes if you've dropped 20+ lbs. Yes, it feels wonderful to have your picture taken & not cringe when you see the results. OR, hide from taking your picture all together.
Anyways...I hope this too rolls off your back and you have a better day. You do deserve it.
Karla what you have done with yourself and your life is truly amazing. You set a goal, and you worked hard to accomplish it.
ReplyDeletePeople are inherently jealous. They aren't always jealous just of your results, but rather, that you had the guts and the grit to get those results.
Most people don't have what it takes to pursue a goal. Goals are easy to set. They are difficult to reach.
Sadly, with your success will come jealously and hatred from some people in your life. But at the end of the day you can look in the mirror and be happy with the person looking back.
That alone is worth WAY more than the approval of the people around you.
Sorry that this happened to you. BTW, videoing yourself while dancing makes perfect sense.
ReplyDeleteWow, reading this post really upset me. I am so sorry that you had to deal with this. Hopefully that person realizes what they said and feels some regret for it. You are the exact opposite of everything they said. You are such a kind hearted happy person and don't let what anyone says make you think otherwise. I hope you didn't let those words affect you too much. Keep your head up and keep dancing! I loved watching the video you posted :-)
ReplyDelete