Why I dance

I am very fortunate to have found and now religiously read the blogs of two Rockettes. One Rockette that I follow in particular is highkicksandhighhopes. She is an amazing blogger and I get so much inspiration from reading her blog.

This morning, I checked her blog and saw that she wrote this.



"...someone asked me what I think about when I dance.

I don't think.

I feel.

I feel all the things that no matter what words I used, could never be understood. I feel all the things that I say I have forgotten, but never have."



That pretty much sums up why I dance too. I think many dancers dance for the same reason. For me, it's an escape. It's a chance to actually spend time with yourself, and NOT think. That is the magical part about being a dancer. The key is... don't think.

And..after a long week at school, it is so nice to be able to look forward to NOT thinking....for once.

For once...

I don't have to think.
I don't have to talk.
I don't have to have it "all together".
I don't have to be fake.
I don't have to feel a certain way.

I can just... be.


Once I step out onto the dance floor... I am comfortable. I am able to be me.


It's such an indescribable feeling and I feel like it is so complicated to understand sometimes...but it really isn't. It's actually really simple. My body just takes over, and does all the talking. If I'm angry... the moves are sharp, strong, and intense. If I'm happy, the moves are fast, vibrant, and full of energy. My attitude definitely comes out in my dancing. It's an incredibly wonderful beautiful thing and has helped me get through the best of times and the worst of times.

If all else fails, I know that I can count on dance, and that dance will always be there for me.




*Side note*

Today is the last day that "S" is allowed to have McDonalds. He has promised me to give up McDonalds food for the whole month of February. (Too bad it's the shortest month of the year!!!!).

I told him that I would pay him $20 if his energy and just over all well being didn't change by the end of February. I just strongly believe that his diet is making him sluggish and more tired than he already is. (He is a very hard worker and is frequently very tired). I hope he sees a difference and will cut back on the McDonalds after February has passed.

We shall see how it goes. I will keep you all updated! ;-)


til next time,

Karla =)

I dream in dance, I dance in dreams.

"Dreams are not something to wait for. They are something to work for."

August 2009.. When I worked with a few Rockettes.

I'm in the back with the older people.. haha.. you can see my legs and black shorts behind the girl in the pink tank top. =)

Sometimes, I wish it were THAT easy. I wish I could just sit here and wait for time to pass, wait for a miracle to happen... and just have my dreams sit right there before me, waiting for me to live them out.

But, life doesn't go that way. Which, maybe is a good thing. What is the fun in having everything handed to you?

The fun part of actually living out your dream, is looking back on all the hard work it took for you to get there. Right? =)

You know... whenever I am in NYC... I finally feel like I am in the right place. I finally feel like I kind of "belong". I know that NYC is where my dreams lie. I'm so lucky to live so nearby. Every time I come up to Radio City Music Hall, I just want to scream. Jump up and down. Break out my tap shoes. Do some eye-high kicks. Just to prove to the few people watching me thinking that I'm nuts..that I am not really nuts... I'm just passionate. I know that being a Rockette is what I want to do. Period. And if not that, then SOMETHING with dance/performing.

I feel as though I have made HUGE steps to getting closer to my goal of becoming a dancer/performer/Rockette/whatever gets thrown my way. Losing weight and changing the way I eat was the first step, and probably the most important. My change in diet has given me TONS more energy to dance. Energy is the fuel for dance. So, energy is important.

For me... dance is 1% getting the correct steps and 99% attitude/positive energy.

You can dance the right steps and still not be dancing.

The passion must be there...or else you are just simply "going through the motions".

I am currently still choreographing a dance that I cannot wait to be able to take video of and post on the blog. I want it to showcase my full potential as a dancer and show how far I've grown in the 18 years that I've danced. I'm excited about it. =)

Above- 3 years old.

Above- 21 years old

I'm meeting with a good friend of mine from high school for lunch in a half hour. Im excited! Shout out to Connie! I love you! She reads my blog, because she is indeed THAT awesome.

Out with "S" tonight. YAY. =)

Today is a good day.

til next time,

Karla =)

Blizzard=No dance

Blizzard= No dance

No dance= No Costumes

No Costumes= No anxiety

No anxiety= Appetite back

Appetite back= Good!

But then again..

No dance= Unhappy Karla

but...

No dance= I can see "S" tonight

I can see "S" tonight= Happy Karla

Get the picture?

til next time,

Karla =)

I'm ready for the weekend.

My weekend starts today.. at around 1:40pm to be exact. Thank the good Lord for no classes on Fridays.

Last night was my 3.5 hour Sociology Statistics class. Thankfully, my good friend Mike is in the class with me, so I had some company. The class is held in a computer room. The teacher lectured for the full 3.5 hours and even went 5 minutes over class. Mike and I spent the entire time chatting on our "class chat room". We even chatted with a few other students. It was so much fun.

Yes... I paid attention too. I would write down whatever the teacher wrote down on the board because I figured it was probably important. I don't know if I am going to keep that class or drop it... it looks hard. We'll see how the next class goes I guess. It only meets once a week.

I got my nails done and went out to lunch with my roommate yesterday. It was fun. It's nice to be able to get out of this dorm room once in a while.

Tonight is costume night at dance. I'm nervous.

I don't know why.

I have lost 30+ lbs. Yet, this anxiety is still present. For years, my costume size has been an XL. It still is an XL... mostly because I am tall, and I need the costume to have a long torso. But, I am also still an XL because I am afraid of going smaller. What if I gain all the weight back? Ugh.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy with where my body is at (for the real world anyway). But in the dance world... I am still big. I am one of the biggest dancers (well... probably the biggest actually) in my dance class.

I have always been insecure and self conscious about it because it's noticeable... especially on costume day. I am usually always sick to my stomach on that day. I feel it already. I don't have an appetite as of yet... and I probably won't have one all day.

This is the downside to being a dancer. Dancers sometimes have to be that epiphany of perfection. There is a stereotype that you must be stick thin. Unfortunately, large dance companies are keeping that stereotype going by only hiring tiny dancers. I mean, really... who has seen an overweight Rockette or an overweight ballerina at the ballet?

I am feeling down today. Hopefully I can snap out of this bad attitude I have. Because my attitude will definitely effect getting our costumes today. I need to go in with confidence and with my head held high. Fearless.

Fearless... something I need to work on being.

Maybe I'll post pics of the costumes. You can let me know what you think.

til next time,

Karla =)

Recipe!!!!

Wow.. it has been awhile since I have actually posted a recipe on here. I would say it's about time for one.

Yesterday, classes went well. However, I do feel very overwhelmed with the amount of schoolwork that lies ahead of me. My goal is to not procrastinate as much. I will try and achieve that by setting mini goals for myself everyday or every week here on the blog. That way, I can see it in writing and stick to it!

Oh... and yeah... I think I may be a little bit head over heels for "S". He sent me this ADORABLE text message that I just had to share. He reads my blog from time to time but I don't think he would mind that I shared this with you. Is it cheesy? Maybe. But he knows I love cheesy!! He knows just what to say to make my day! He is the best =)

OK.. So back to my recipe...I was supposed to cook dinner for "S" last night, so... with help from food that my roommate had, I cooked up something that has been in my family for years. It was a recipe my Dad thought up one day. My Dad is an awesome cook by the way!

"S" never ended up coming... but... it was probably better off that way because I made a HUGE mistake with the recipe and it didn't come out right.

So here it is.

Basically.... you take a chicken breast.. and the very FIRST thing that you do.. is... POUND IT OUT FLAT!!

That was where I screwed up. The chicken breast was way to big. The taste of the chicken over powered the spinach and cheese and it wasn't good.

So.. take a chicken breast.. and pound it out so that it is fairly thin.

Then... dip it into egg (I used a bowl of egg beaters to dip the chicken into) .. then cover the chicken in flour and place onto a frying pan with a tablespoon of oil in it. Cook on medium high on both sides. Two or three minutes per side... or until chicken breast is cooked all the way through.

MEANWHILE- Make sure that the spinach is COOKED! I just use the frozen chopped spinach and put it in the microwave for 4 minutes until its cooked.

Take a baking dish and grease it with cooking spray (I used Pam). Place the chicken breast(s) on the dish, and cover each breast with spinach (as much as your heart desires).

THEN- place 2 pieces of provolone cheese (I use the reduced fat kind) over the chicken breast(s).

You should have PREHEATED the oven to 350.

Bake for 15-20 minutes.

EAT!

It's delicious!!!! And so simple!! It takes me 10 minutes to do.. then 15-20 minutes of wait time while it bakes. So easy, so good... and LOW IN POINTS!! One breast with the spinach and cheese is only 4 points people! 4 points!!

YUM!

All for now..

til next time,

Karla =)

Pictures!!

So.. I stole this idea from Holly.. whose blog I LOVE and YOU should check out!! =)

Thanks Holly!

(I changed it up a bit too!)

1. A picture of you on your favorite holiday: (me and my cuz, xmas 09)

2. A picture of you, truly happy: Me and "S" =)
3. A picture of you with your best friends. ( They truly are THE best)

4. A picture of you making a funny face: (Roommate and I)

5. A picture of you in your favorite outfit: (this pic counts for 2)
6. A picture of you with one of your parents: Me and my Mom

7. A recent picture of you: Me and my 2 roommates

8. A picture of something you love: DANCE!!
9. A picture of you being kind of ridiculous: Me and my roommate on New Years Eve.
10. A picture of you on top of the world: (Kinda!)
11. A picture of you truly being yourself: (dancing!!!)

12. A picture of you in a time of your life that is now over and your glad that it is:

Me at 185lbs! Glad THAT is OVER!

13. A photo of you where you are anything but happy: Again... me at 185.. anything but happy!

14. A picture of you with someone you love: Me and my cuz, Adam.
15. A picture of how you would like the world to see you: As a Rockette!!! Someday!!!
16. A picture of how you want to spend everyday: At a healthy weight, with confidence!!!
17. A picture that makes your head hurt: Me at this weight. My Mom is gorgeous though.

21. A picture of you that makes you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts: Me and my roommates, being typical us at a photoshoot.

22. A picture that makes your heart smile: My Aunt, Me and Mom..dancing.
23. A picture of you on one of the best days of your life: Being a Rockette for a day with my Aunt!!!
24. A picture of you with your best friend....AGAIN: Me and my rooooommate!! =)
25. A picture of you with someone you deeply miss: Me and Mrs. Lathrop. I love you =)

til tomorrow,

Karla =)

First Day Jitters

I am very jittery this morning. I don't know why. I'm blaming it on the fact that I'm now back at school, everything is new.

It was a rough first day back yesterday.

My roommate was pretty sick and I had to take her to the campus doctor. I spent most of the day with her there. She has a 24 hour bug. Yuck.

I missed my first class. Oh well. I had to stay with her. I wanted to be sure she was okay. She went home, and is feeling much better.

So technically, I haven't gone to any of my classes yet.

It rained so hard yesterday. It was pouring!! I HATE RAIN. AND WIND. SO MUCH.

I looked a mess. Bad hair day. Bad day all together. I hope I don't get sick. I have been disinfecting everything and washing my hands like a mad woman.

Yesterday, I went to the store to get food... and I bought ice cream. I had a HUGE milkshake last night and actually could not even finish it. I felt SO sick afterward. I was also dealing with a miscommunication between friends and was upset about it...which made things worse and I felt more sick.

I took a HUGE nap.. woke up around 11:30pm. Then, I went to bed.

My food choices yesterday were horrible. I will do better today.

OH- and I bought the new WW chocolate cakes. You know.. those mini cakes with the chocolate frosting.

They are different now... there is now chocolate CREME in them!!! YES!!! HORRAY!! SO good!

All for now- praying I won't get sick.

til next time,

Karla =)

And just like that..

..I'm back at school.

I hated saying goodbye to this weekend, to the whole winter break. It was hard. I don't think it's hit me yet that I'm back at school. I miss being able to dance in the mornings and do what I want to do in the afternoons. I'll miss going out at night too because once all the schoolwork kicks in, I'll be too busy for any "fun".

Thankfully, this semester should be a lot less stressful than last semester. I only have to teach one day a week, and only one grade. Last semester, I was teaching all the time, and more than one grade got really confusing!

SO- it's now time for.... My weekend in a nutshell:

Friday: Made dinner for "S" and went to see the movie, "Couples Retreat". Funny movie.. I had wanted to see it forever. Wasn't as good as I thought it would be.

Saturday: "S" stayed overnight so that we could take an early train out to NYC. Arrived in NYC around 11:30 and walked down 5th to Central Park. Walked through Central Park a lot. Saw things I had never seen before. Took a lot of pictures. We walked around to find a place to eat lunch. We ended up eating at TGI Friday's because it seemed to be the only restaurant that wasn't packed with people. We walked around more.. saw the Empire State Building, Bryant Park, Radio City, Times Square, street performers, Rockafeller Center... you know.. the usual NYC sightseeing stuff.

Sunday: Slept in. Lazy day. Hung out with "S". Got ready to go back to school. Ate cheesecake since I was craving it all weekend! "S" helped me bring my stuff back into the dorm. He's the best.

I leave you with pictures. Have a great day =)

"S" and I at a park. Sitting after walking for miles

This squirrel sat on the edge of our bench with us
"S" with Empire State Building very faintly in the background
Empire State Building
Street Performer in Bryant Park
Radio City Music Hall =) =)
"S" and I in Central Park
Park Benches
Isn't he handsome??? =)All for now..more tomorrow.

Boo... my Jets lost last night. They had a good run though. Who to root for now I wonder?

til next time,

Karla =)

Short, meaningless post.

First- THANK YOU to all who left me very encouraging comments on my last post. I was definitely down to my lowest low, and reading those comments lifted my spirits quite a bit. I am disappointed in myself for not going to dance.. but... the past is the past... I just need to keep looking ahead. Dance next week will be interesting!

I am super excited for this weekend. Words cannot even describe. Too bad this weekend is kind of the beginning to the end of my long winter break that went by too quickly. I cannot believe that I move back into school on SUNDAY! Damn! I start classes on MONDAY!

I was actually just looking at my class schedule for this Spring semester. I get to sleep in everyday!!! Awesome!

Alright. So about this weekend. "S" is staying at my house for the weekend. Because he lives an hour away, it gets annoying traveling back and forth. I think I may make him dinner tonight when he comes. Tomorrow, we are getting an early train to NYC. We will spend the whole day there. I can't wait to show him around since he has only been once. Hopefully he will understand a little bit more why NYC is so important to me. =)

Then Sunday, he is going to help me move back into school.

I'm pretty sure I have one heck of a BF. I am so excited to spend the weekend with him.

I will probably not be blogging tomorrow or Sunday because I will most likely have no time. Although, I may be able to squeeze in a post that I've been wanting to put up. It's already written, so I'm sure I could post it. It's just a small post about how I take care of myself and exactly what some of my life is like as a dancer.

Alright folks. All for now. Hopefully a post tomorrow.

Too bad this break is just getting good and now its over.

Although, all good things must come to an end, sadly.

til next time,

Karla =)

Trying to find words.

I feel like I have this Rubik's cube in my head. Except... instead of colored squares.. the squares have letters.

My brain is constantly flipping the cube around to form the right words to say to someone. Whether it be in a tough situation, a confrontation, or just an average conversation.

Yeah. Kinda like that.

I feel defeated. I let something get in the way. I let a person's thoughts of me get in the way.

I am skipping dance tonight because of something someone said. A threat, no less. Someone who is bitter about my break up with my BF back in September whom I dated for 6 years.

Which... is fine. She can be bitter about it. Because, I am not. I am over it. I have moved on. I am happy with "S" and I don't think about my ex. We were not right for each other. We both knew it too.

What bothers me is that this person thinks she can get into my head.. screw me all up. She has done a fabulous job. She has kept me home from dance tonight.

Ugh.

I definitely hit a low today. I just have this sinking feeling. This feeling that I let everyone in the whole world down, to make myself happy. Now that I'm happy, no one else is. So I feel guilty.

Here we go again with people trying to bring me down. Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I letting this happen?

I just devoured a bowl of ice cream. I haven't had ice cream in WEEKS!

I WILL GET THROUGH THIS. I AM DETERMINED TO.

I just need to clear my head tonight.

Karla will be back in action next Thursday for dance. She will be fierce... and she'll get some major ass. I just know it.

Mrs. Lathrop is in my head.

I hear her saying: "Keep smiling. Keep smiling. Keep smiling."

Kill them with kindness.

I'm trying. I really am. I can do it. I know I can.

til next time,

Karla =) =) =)

I want my name in lights

This post is so random... but I just HAD to write this down.

Yesterday morning, as I was waiting for time to pass by before I had to leave for my haircut, I was watching an old home video of me when I was little. The video had tons of footage on it, ranging from me just being born, to me at about 16 years of age.

As I was watching and fast forwarding through some of the footage... I started to notice a trend. What was the trend? Well... the trend was that.... all eyes HAD to be on me... at ALL times.

Yes, even when I was just hours old... my eyes were wide open, and if someone wasn't looking at me or holding me or paying attention to me... I would cry. Odd.

As the video progresses, I am seen older and older. At age 3, I was already dancing to music whenever Mom decided to play any. At age five I was doing a little bit of gymnastics.. and by then my brother was about 3 years old. My Mom would take footage of my brother stumbling around our back yard and you can hear me saying, "MOM... PUT THE CAMERA ON ME, I WANT TO DO A CARTWHEEL!"

Even at age 7-10... when my brother was a little older... poor guy... I would make him dance and sing with me for the camera. There is one point when we are singing and dancing and he screws up, or at least I think he did... because next thing you know... I'm seen yelling at him and he starts to cry. I was a horrible sister.

I always wanted the spotlight on me. I don't know... I guess its just kind of that dancer inside of me, longing to entertain people. That is what I was born to do. I get a kind of "high" from it. It makes me feel good.

Now that I'm older, and that I have been through dance recitals for almost 20 years of my life... it isn't AS exciting anymore. I have bigger dreams now. The local dance recital that I perform in with my dance school is not as awesome anymore.

I want to go bigger. I want people to open Dance Magazine and see ME! I want people to go to Radio City and see me kicking up on stage.

I want my name in lights.

The above video is my inspiration right now. I taught myself that dance and am currently focusing on perfecting it.

til next time,

Karla =)

New Goal: Positivity

Something strange happened to me last night. Something that rarely happens... I couldn't sleep. Everyone who truly knows me, knows that as soon as my head hits the pillow... I'm out within a matter of minutes.

Last night however, I was in bed by 1:30am... and barely got a wink of sleep.

Why? Well... I honestly don't know. But I do know that, I could not stop thinking about Mrs. Lathrop... my 94 year old dance instructor who passed away a little over 2 months ago.

She was not only my instructor, my teacher, my guide... she was also like my third grandmother... something that not many people are as fortunate to have.

I still miss her every single day. It's hard not to think about her at dance... or anytime that I am dancing. I used to think that I danced for her. I danced so that I could see her smiling face of approval. I loved to dance and watch her wink and smile at me.

And now... I am learning to just dance for myself. It is so hard now that she is not there. Her chair sits there on the floor...empty.. in class. It's hard not to let your eyes well up and just start balling. She should be there. It's not fair.

When she passed away... I posted this quote on my blog. It is a quote about attitude. It is something that Mrs. Lathrop lived by all of her life, and is something that I too am working on. It's one of my favorite quotes so I'll share it with you again.

Attitude:

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is...we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the inevitable...The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it."

-Author unknown

That last line really gets to me. It is so true. YOU and only YOU have the power to make the day what it is. Whether it's bad or good.

A small weight gain can mess up your whole entire day... OR... you can look at the scale and say... I am now going to work harder. I know I can do this... this was just a small set back, a small bump in the road on my weight loss journey.

Many, many, many times... I chose to beat myself up over things..like.. a small weight gain.. or not getting a dance move right... or ... troubles with friends. Small bumps in the road used to just throw me all off for the rest of the day.

One of my new goals is to make the best of everything even in the worst of times. I want to be able to memorize that quote and honestly live by it.

That is my goal.

Lots to do today. Haircut at 12. I'm nervous.. but.. I am in good hands I think. I have a very strong connection to my hair. So I hope I don't come out bald. But, I always say that before I get my haircut. I need to be more positive. I need to have a better attitude.

So, I think I'm going to look fabulous after my haircut.

YAY.

That felt good.

til next time,

Karlaaaaaaa =)

Fearless Heart

Ohh boy.

Last night, I poured my heart out. And I gave my heart out. And. I am trying to be fearless. I am trying to have a fearless heart.

It is so early on in my relationship with S... but I am feeling really good about everything. I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I am falling in love with him day after day. Everything is so good. We are both on the same page. We are both looking for the same things. It seems like I have waited all my life for someone like him. I am SO happy.

I danced today. For two hours. Then, had an ice bath. Yuck. I froze.

Today is a crappy day. The weather is so dark and dreary.

Although, a friend of mine said to me...

"Look at today as a good excuse to stay in, stay warm, watch tv and drink hot chocolate...I mean...life doesn't get much better"

He is absolutely right.

My hot chocolate is ready.

til next time,

Karla =)

It's the Last Monday of Vacation

This is the last Monday that I will actually enjoy. One week from today, I will be sitting in class once again. Man did the time fly right by! It feels like just yesterday, I was moving back home from school.

So, yep... this is my last week off. I plan to make the best of it.

A lot of the week will be spent with my boyfriend. Some of you wanted to know a little bit more about him, so here it goes.

I met him through my roommate, Marisa. We never hung out much until Marisa started getting me to go out with her more. Then he started coming down to my school to have "Game Night" which my roommates and I have every Wednesday night. I got to know him and hung out with him more outside of "Game Night" and things just developed out of that. He lives about an hour away from me, which is somewhat of a downside. But, I live out in the middle of no where, so ALL of my friends live about an hour away.

So... more on the guy... he is different from any other guy I have ever been with in many ways. For example, I don't think I have ever fallen so hard for any other guy ever in my life. It kind of scares me too because it has only been about a month since things started getting a little more serious, and I am already crazy about him. He makes me feel like I am the only person in the world. He treats me the way I have always wanted to be treated. Every time I see him, I fall for him more and more. It's a truly incredible feeling and I never in a million years thought it would happen.

We are a perfect match though. He gets me. He gets that I am always smiling and laughing and acting like a retard, and he doesn't try to change me. He accepts me for who I am.

We have a lot to teach each other. He has experienced things that I haven't, and I've experienced things that he hasn't. I am excited to see how this relationship will unfold. I know that I need to work hard at pushing my fears of getting my heart broken aside... and just focus on how good things are going between us. =)

* Today I'm hanging out with my roommate or roommates.. not sure yet. We might go out and take pictures..or see a movie. =)

* Tomorrow is up in the air. Definitely I will get some dancing in. Maybe make a dance video for the blog!

* Wednesday I am getting my hair cut/colored. I am going to be a little blonder and I am just getting a trim to keep this "short in the back, long in the front" angled look.

* Thursday is dance day =)

* Friday has not been decided on yet.

* Saturday I am going with S (new guy) to NYC. He has only been to NYC ONCE!!!! I have so much to show him, and there will be a lot of walking. But, I can't wait. I hope he learns to love NYC as much as I do.

* Sunday I move back into school. BUMMER.

All for now. Enjoy the MLK holiday!

til next time,

Karla =)

Determined.

I am now a determined dancer. Woohoo!!

But, I am a determined dancer with nothing to write about today.

Except for the fact that, I am home from Maine... the Jets won (eeek!)... and I spent the day with my boyfriend. =)

More tomorrow.

til then,

Karla =)

*URL CHANGE*

The URL for this blog is going to change tomorrow. It's going to be...

http://confessionsofadetermineddancer.blogspot.com

Just so you all know! =)

So today was an okay day. It's been kind of a crappy weekend. That is all thanks to my Uncle who happens to be going through withdrawals from getting off drugs. UGH. It's been wonderful. Puking, gagging.. moaning.. I have never witnessed someone go through withdrawals from drugs. So it has been quite an eye opening weekend for me. I love my Uncle... but he really should have stayed home. Now I have to listen to him gag the whole way home tomorrow, just like I listened to him gag the whole way up. Nice.

*sigh*

I went out to breakfast with my Grandparents. Had a chocolate donut. The first one I've had in a LONG time. I thought I was going to be sick, but I was alright. When we came back, I walked around my Grandparents property and took pictures. They came out really bad. I am a horrible picture taker. Ugh.

After that... it was already "time for lunch". I'm not that kind of person who looks at the clock and says, "Oh... its noon... its time for lunch!" I only eat when I am hungry.

So... we were off to a pub near the water in Maine. It was pretty good. I had a buffalo chicken wrap. It was HUGE. I ate half. I was sooo full.

From there... I decided to go to the lighthouse. Pemaquid Point Light is where we often go when we are in Maine. When I went, it was cold... but it was worth it. It was so clear, you could see for miles. It was so pretty and so peaceful. I love the ocean.

Here are some pictures.

Home tomorrow. Thankfully.

I love my Grandparents and miss them so much when I'm not with them. But I also miss being home. I miss my bed. I miss my music.. (I know.. I'm an idiot and didn't bring my ipod). I miss my dance shoes. I miss dancing. I miss my Mom. And I miss my boyfriend.

Tomorrow... I'm a determined dancer.

til then-

Karla =)

I'm in Maine.

Just got to Maine a few hours ago. The ride up sucked for many reasons. I am so glad to finally be here. I really miss my grandparents. They mean so much to me and it sucks that I only see them 3 or 4 times a year. They have seen me several times since my lifestyle change. They always compliment me... that I look better and healthier, which is always nice to hear. This time I was able to tell them that I hit my goal... 30lbs lost. They are happy for me.

- Remember the guy that I talked about on here who is a family friend.. he had a 10 hour brain surgery to remove a tumor in his brain. Well... it didn't look too good for him, but... miraculously... he survived... and he is going home from the hospital tomorrow. He can talk, and he has a perfect memory. He was able to talk to my Dad on the phone today. God works miracles sometimes.

So I don't have too much to write about today since most of my day was spent driving to Maine. Although I do want to talk about a good friend of mine who I have inspired to lose weight. He really doesn't need to lose any weight, he takes good care of himself and is always aware of his appearance and how he presents himself to others. But really, losing weight is not always about "weight". It's more about bettering your self... gaining more self confidence, and getting healthier. It's an amazing feeling after all the hard work to finally see results... to see the pay off. It's tough... and it takes time... and if you make it through all the frustration and let downs... it's an incredible feeling once you make goal.

So... X....I'm shouting out to you. You know who you are. Set a small goal... a realistic goal... and you'll be fine. You've got determination and drive, and I'm here to support you when you need it!!

Sorry this post was so short and boring.

More tomorrow... and maybe a few pictures!

til then-

Karla =)

Stuff and Things

Don't you ever wish that you could stop time right in it's tracks? You know... that time when you feel like EVERYTHING is the way you want it, and EVERYTHING is going right. You just want to sit in that moment of rare perfection just so that you can soak it all in before something goes wrong.

Well. If I could pause life, I would pause it right now. Things are really good right now. I am content, and happy. I am falling in love unexpectedly. I am excited. I am inspired. I am full of positive energy. Things are pretty good in my life.

Last night, I spent time with the new guy in my life. We'll just call him "S" on here. He's someone I was not expecting to come into my life. Someone I never thought I would be so into. Someone I really wasn't ready for but just decided to dive into.

It hasn't even really been a month yet and I am crazy about him. The things he says to me, the way he treats me, the way he respects me... I just can't get enough. I have truly never felt this way before about anyone. He makes me so happy, and I am so lucky.

The one thing that bothers me the most about him though is that he eats at fast food places everyday for lunch. I actually talked with him last night about it, and he told me that starting in February, for a month, he would promise to only eat at Subway. Which is a giant step forward from Burger King or McDonalds. We'll see how long that lasts! I have to get him away from the fast food. That is my goal! He's killing himself slowly by eating that stuff all the time, but of course, he thinks it's fine. He is a thin guy, but it's really not about your weight... it's about what the food is doing to your body. I think I should ask him if he's ever seen the movie, "Supersize Me". That movie has forever changed the way I think about fast food.

Today is dance class. I haven't been in over 3 weeks. Don't get me wrong, I have been dancing everyday. But, I have not been to my actual class because of the holidays and me skipping it once. I'm nervous because I know we learned new steps and I won't be prepared. It should be alright though. My roommate is coming down to watch me dance and then we are going to go and play some basketball. I am super excited!

Tomorrow I leave for Maine. I will be in Maine for the weekend. I am going up with my Dad and Uncle to see my Grandparents. I am excited. I miss them. I wish they lived closer. Every time I go up and see them, I get filled with guilt thinking it could be the last time. It should be a good time though. I hope to take lots of pictures and keep the blog updated.

Speaking of this blog, ... in a few days... the URL will change. It will be:

http://confessionsofadetermineddancer.blogspot.com

Just so all of you know!

Well, I guess that is all the updating I have for you for right now.

A BIG thank you to all of you who left me comments on yesterdays post. I am somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to my body. Being a dancer will do that to you. But what truly matters is not the physical change, but the mental change that I have gone through. I am a totally different person than I was last year. Thankfully! =)

Next time I post, I'll be in Maine.

til then,

Karla =)

One Year Ago, I changed my Life

Thirty pounds have come and gone in exactly one year!

Ooookaaay, so... there really isn't that much of a difference between the two pictures. I did several before/after shots throughout the whole year, and there really was never much of a noticeable difference between the two pictures besides maybe my hair and I am not as ghostly white!

But what really matters is this...

* I went from 185lbs to 155lbs

* I went from a size 14/16 to a size 6/8

* I went from being a HORRIBLE dancer...to being pretty decent.

* I went from being terribly out of shape to being in fairly good shape.

* I went from eating fast food a few times a month, to eating no fast food at all.

* I went from eating dessert every day, to eating dessert a few times a week if at all.

* I went from a size 40DD to a size 34C.

* I went from a L/XL in shirts to a S/M.

* I went from depressed all the time, to happy most of the time.

* I smile more.

* I laugh more.

* I have self esteem.

* I put on ONE outfit, and I wear it the WHOLE day.

* I feel good in my own skin.

* I am truly happy.

* I am closer to my goal, my ultimate dream.

* Did I mention I am happy?

Thank you all for following me on this journey. Your patience, acceptance, and support have helped me through the good times and the not so good times.

--- As many of you know. This blog is called... Confessions of a Dieting Dancer. This blog has helped me for a whole entire year. But now... this blog really isn't about the Confessions of a Dieting Dancer. I am no longer a Dieting Dancer... I think I would like to call myself a Determined Dancer. I am determined to reach my goals, reach my dreams, or at least give them a fighting chance. I am determined to keep this weight off and not let it pile back on. I am determined to smile and fight everyday. I am determined not to let anybody take me down.

I hope you will continue to follow me as I have now gone from a Dieting Dancer....

to a Determined Dancer.

Stick with me =)

Below will be my new URL for the blog. Starting soon!

http://confessionsofadetermineddancer.blogspot.com

til next time,

Karla =)