I had to share...

I cleaned my room today. I found my Grandmother's high school class ring that I had lost for a brief time. YAY! I also found a LOT of old stuff of mine.

Here is something about me that many may not know: I keep EVERYTHING!

No... I am not a hoarder.. but I keep things that are important to me.

Ticket stubs, stickers, newspaper articles, pictures, cards, hand written letters, poems, words (yes.. I used to cut out COOL words from magazines... words that I thought were so intense and describe my way of thinking!), magnets, POGS!, coins (yeah, I collect cool coins from cool places), carnival/amusement park bracelets, 3D glasses from the 3D movies I go to, brochures from places I've been, etc.

Today... as I'm cleaning... I come across a newspaper article. The date is November 10, 2008. The title is... "A dancer...now and then"

I will share with you some of it.

A dancer...now and then By: Pat Conway

"'I envy all of the youngsters of Newtown and its vicinity who have the opportunity of studying the dance under your expert direction. You were top-flight Broadway professional dancing stars for years, so these young pupils have the assurance that what you teach them is dancing at its professional best.'

Newspaper columnist and longtime television show host Ed Sullivan wrote these words to Virginia and Mack Lathrop in 1960, eight years after the professional dance duo started a dance school in the Edmond Town Hall gym with 60 students, each paying $1 a lesson.

Today, the Lathrop School of Dance is in the same location and still going strong, with more than 350 students, ages 3 and up, in tap, jazz, pre-ballet, and hip hop classes.

'Dancing is the biggest joy in my life,' says Ginny Lathrop, a vibrant woman who has retained her tall, slim, youthful physique and is full of energy. She will celebrate her 94th birthday Nov. 23. Lathrop and her assistant, Diane Wardenburg, meet every afternoon to choreograph the dance numbers Wardenburg and the dance school's part-time teachers use with the students."

(Later on it mentions...)

"'I don't think I could be anything but a dancer.' Lathrop said. Lathrop joined a Boston dance revue and at age 16 auditioned there for talent scout Gus Edwards, 'I beat out 5,000 people.' she said.

In 1936, while in Boston, the dancer heard about an act in New York that needed a replacement. She auditioned at The Palace Theater in New York City for Mack Lathrop, who loved her dancing and hired her.

A year later, he married her. 'It was a very romantic life,' Lathrop says of their nearly 50 years together before he died in 1985.

They literally lived out of a suitcase, staying in one location for a few days, then moving on to the next. When they had some time off they stayed with Mrs. Lee (Ginny's mother) in Boston.

Their fame spread. Fred Astaire called them the finest dancers in show business. Ed Sullivan was impressed with their 'terrific dancing talent' and the 'elegance of their act.' Mack always wore tails and a hat, while Ginny donned slinky evening gowns."

(The ending paragraph says,)

"Ginny Lathrop, who never had a family of her own, feels a motherly concern for much of her adopted hometown. When she can't sleep, she prays 'for everybody,' she said-- students, teachers, friends, and townspeople.

'Ginny is a positive, giving, caring person,' said Wardenburg, who has known her almost half a century. 'She has a young attitude and the most positive outlook on life.'"

*** I couldn't have said it any better myself. You had such a contagious way of living. Always thinking on the bright side. Always pushing me and keeping me fighting.

I love you Mrs. Lathrop. Not one day goes by where I am not thinking of you. Miss you dearly.

Keep Smiling,

Karla =)

Oh No!!

I didn't blog yesterday!

Why you ask?

My day was so boring, there was nothing to talk about.

**So here are the plus and minus's of life as I know it right now.

-TOO much rain/mud

+ I ran and jumped in puddles with Scott yesterday! SO FUN!

+ Game night was fun last night

- Ate too much last night

- I'm tired all the time

- I'm not dancing...at all

- Too much homework

- I don't like my classes..

- I miss dancing all the time

- I miss Mrs. Lathrop

- I lost my Grandmother's high school class ring (ugh...)

+ I have dance tomorrow

+ The weekend is SO near

- I have gained weight..

+ Yet.. my jeans are HUGE on me (????)

+ I have a photography "booking" for Saturday

- It's for my Dad's band..so it kind of doesn't count

+ Oh well.. it's a start!

+ I have awesome friends who know me more than anyone in the world

- They live far away

+ They made me a video of a dance that I choreographed and emailed it to me over the weekend.

+ I love them... you know who you are .. =)

+ They need to visit soon.

+ I am excited for them to meet Scott.

+ Spring Break is coming!!!

- Don't know if I am going to Georgia yet.

+ I wrote a poem (I have to write them for class each week)

Here it is..

Mrs. Lathrop

11/23/1914---11/7/2009

I hate this.

I am in shock.

I am here, and

you are not.

You were everything,

my inspiration.

Even to Fred Astaire

and Ginger Rogers,

just to name a few.

You tapped your way through life,

stage after stage,

one curtain would close,

to another that would open.

I have completely shut down.

You would not be proud.

I have tried to smile,

tried to fight through

this frown.

You were my fuel,

you kept me going,

kept me dancing,

kept me smiling,

though my heart was breaking.

Well now I'm broken,

and am forcing a smile,

through tears,

through the pain

of losing you.

Thank you.

Thank you for believing in me,

for never giving up on me,

for yelling at me in class,

for telling me to practice,

for the nights with bottomless champagne glasses,

dinners we shared,

and for teaching me to dance.

Until we meet again, I love you.

Ehhh... not my BEST work.. at all.. and I realize that. But, this is due tomorrow and I'm in a crunch just to finish it and hand it in.

Maybe I'll make it better on my own time. Though, there is not TOO much more I can do with it because it is a dedication poem. I want to keep it as honest and real (non-fiction) as possible.

Alright, well now I'd like to congratulate all of you who have made it through this boring post!

Keep Smiling,

Karla =)

Weekend in review =)

Had a pretty good weekend. Went by too quickly, like most weekends do.

Saturday, Scott and I came to my house to play with my 4 year old cousin for a few hours. We went sledding with him and his 5 year old cousin (whom I am not related to). It was crazy how much energy both of them had. Scott was awesome with them. Scott had just as much energy as they did, and they both enjoyed having Scott around. My cousin wanted to go down the hill with Scott each time. I only went down with my cousin once! But, I am glad that he likes Scott so much.

Yesterday was full of taking pictures. Scott and I went hiking and then went to a park. After that, Scott, Scott's brother, Scott's friend, and I went off-roading. That was fun. I had been off-roading before several times, but this was probably the most fun I have ever had. I got some decent pictures too.

Below: the moon!! obviously!

Below: Scott's brother trying to get the Jeep to fit between 2 trees

Below: Scott, on a cliff that we hiked up.

Below: Scott... isn't he so handsome? =)

Below: Scott again, I didn't even have to ask him to pose this time. He just knows! ;-)

So now it's Monday again. I am still feeling down about school. I know I have to finish, but it feels like school stands in the way of all the things I really want out of life. Things are changing, I want to do so much more with my life. But, this means, taking up more majors in school. I have this strong urge to become a Speech Pathologist and even work with Special Education students. That is why it is important that I get through my bachelor's degree so that I can take classes in grad school for those two things.

I also again wish I was still doing more with dance. I'd love to find a job as a dance teacher, but that is hard since I have no experience in any other dance school but my own. I would also love to change schools to one that is closer to my house. I would love to commute, and be able to do more with dance or join a dance team.

Those ideas are bouncing around in my head for now. Maybe a few of them will become reality... but for now... I really need to focus in on what is important, which is school. I am really pushing myself to keep going with it. It's a struggle.. but once I get through the week, I do feel like all my hard work has paid off.

Bad news: I have gained a few pounds again. Only 2. But still.. this whole "maintaining" thing is just so annoying. If only I could just stay the same weight. But, I guess weight just constantly fluctuates. Some weeks I'm up a few pounds, and other weeks, I'm down a few pounds. Oh well. As long as the 30 pounds doesn't come back, I'm cool with being up 2 pounds.

All for now.

Keep smiling,

Karla =)

Wanted: Jeans that FIT

Long before I started my weight loss journey... long before I lost 30 pounds...

I was a young college student who was walking around with a ton of extra baggage. Both physically and emotionally. I was eating my way through a long relationship that was going sour. I was walking around campus in jeans that were size 14. AKA... the biggest size jean I had ever worn. This might seem average to some people... but I was a dancer. I was not supposed to be walking around in a size 14 jean. I was supposed to fit in... tall and slender... like all the other dancers I knew.

Now... I have lost the 30 pounds and even a few pounds more. I am up to 33 pounds lost...and I've kept it off! Woohoo!

So now... I am a little bit older, still in college... and walking around in a size 6/8 jeans. But I just have one major problem.

NO STORE IN THE WORLD MAKES JEANS THAT FIT MY BODY TYPE!


Like... now that I've lost weight... I have lost most of my "tummy" and I have a very small waist.

BUT... I have HUGE, and thankfully MUSCULAR legs that are fortunately very toned and "dancer-ish" looking. FINALLY!

Although, this does not help me with fitting into jeans. I could put on a size 8 jean and have it fit great around my legs and be HUGE around my waist.

So I go down a size, to a size 6... and sometimes they will be so tight around my thighs and just fitting right around my waist.

Belts have become my new best friend. Too bad I left my one and only belt at school so that when I went out last night, I kept having to pull my pants up every 5 seconds. You know, those pants that you can take off without unzippering or unbuttoning them. Which, sounds great maybe to some people. But it gets SO annoying.


Does anyone else have this problem?


My main stores for jeans are New York and Company and Gap. Although Gap is notorious for the whole "big around the waist, tight around the legs" deal.


So. I am on a quest. A hunt. A journey. To find the right pair of jeans for my body. Jeans that fit me like a glove. That is my mission. I'll update you on how that works out for me. It seems as though this is going to be quite the journey.

=)


Keep smiling,

Karla =)

TGIF!

It's Friiiiiiiday! My weekend has officially begun. I love not having any classes on Friday's.

Today I will be finishing up some homework, and then try to focus on doing more choreography for the "Hide and Seek" dance that I have been trying to choreograph. I am not the best choreographer because a lot of my moves repeat. I need to go out and find new, fresh stuff. Youtube is a God send for that. I use Youtube a lot to find moves that I never new existed, and to brush up on moves that I already know.

It took a lot for me to post the video that I posted yesterday. I am not used to that style of dance. I am not used to the lyrical and slow style of dancing. In my dance class (for the past 18 years) I have only just brushed upon lyrical dancing. So, it's definitely pretty rough and not clean yet at all.

Improv is also real hard for me. You are trying to feel the music, and match your moves to the music, and keep thinking of new moves in your head...all while trying not to fall over. Especially if your me. I fall over just by standing still and having the wind blow.

Tap is my true style of dance. The only style of dance that I can say I have actually excelled and done well in. Second to that would be jazz. I feel pretty confident about my skills in jazz. But, tap dancing is definitely my forte, the style of dance I feel most comfortable in, the reason why someday, I want to be a Rockette!

Okay so now... I am going to post the poem that I wrote yesterday that I was talking about. It's a true/not true story about how I fell for Scott. It's about the fact that Scott is not perfect, he's no prince charming... no guy is. BUT.. that is what I love about him. And so... here it is.

January Something…

A black saab with three

Black painted rims

Picked her up one cold winters night.

The low, rumbling engine sounds came flying

Through her bedroom window.

She fluffs her hair,

Smoothes out the wrinkles in her dress,

And opens the door before her prince has a chance to knock.

An anxious voice apologizes for being 17 minutes late.

She smiles.

No mention of her new dress,

Blue to match his eyes.

She gently wraps her right arm around his left,

And the boy escorts his princess to his chariot.

Forgetting to open her car door, he never did master chivalry.

The restaurant was a 38 minute drive away,

But they only drove for 12.

A crater swallows the wheel of their chariot.

On the side of the road,

While the boy mends his steed,

She smiles.

Shivering cold on the street curb,

Goes unnoticed, as he tends to his wheel,

Forgetting to remove his jacket for her warmth.

Though sitting, frozen on the curb,

She smiles.

He looked at her,

And while pausing to wipe the sweat out of his eyes,

He smiles.

They never made it out that day.

But one year later,

Staring at a dainty diamond ring,

Uncut, unaccustomed,

She smiles,

Remembering the day they fell in love.

Keep Smiling,

Karla =) =) =)

DANCE VIDEO!!

I woke up at 6:30am.

I wrote a poem.

One of the best ones yet.

I will post it later.

I am having one of the best days ever.

I don't know why, but I feel good.

I love it.

I saw someone run right over a stop sign today with their car.

He kept on driving like it was no big deal.

I saw my life flash before my eyes.

The guy in the car next to me looked at me, and threw his hands up and laughed.

I smiled.

Glad that I was still alive and in one piece, and that not one ounce of worry rushed over me.

I laughed the whole way home.

Weird?

Yes.

Awesome because I didn't worry?

Yes.

I haven't worried since I gave up worrying yesterday for Lent.

I like this not worrying thing.

Okay and...while I am on this "no-worrying" thing... I have made a video. Just made it today. I am not worried that you guys will judge me, or hate it, or pick out my flaws. So I will post it.

I haven't done one of these since... the fall!! So here goes nothing. This is TOTALLY IMPROV.. to a song from the Twilight soundtrack that I am absolutely head over heels in love with. It's called, Never Think by Robert Pattinson. How completely ironic.. since I am on this don't over think, over analyze, worry... kick.

I do a lot of the same moves over and over, and I make mistakes.. but it's improv..

and

I'm not worried.

Weird..

Enjoy!! =)

Keep Smiling,

Karla =)

Lent

Well, today is Ash Wednesday. Today starts the 40 days of giving something up. I have done this in the past, and have done fairly well at it. I gave up chocolate once, and candy another time.

This time though, it won't be anything food related. I have self control now when it comes to food, and so giving up a food item would be too easy.

I have decided to give up something that might seem totally weird to some people.

I have decided to give up, worrying.

Anyone who truly knows me knows that I worry. I worry a lot. I analyze and over-think things way too much which then causes me to worry... way too much.

So.. along with giving up worrying comes giving up analyzing and over-thinking things.

This should be interesting... but I hope that with writing in this blog, writing poems for my poetry class, dancing, and just trying to focus on relaxing my brain.... I should be okay. I just need to learn to use my outlets to get little things that I think about too much, OUT of my head!

My outlets are, writing, dance, and sometimes.. talking to people, like... Scott.

So... I will try so hard to use these outlets to rid myself of over-thinking, analyzing and worrying.

That is the goal. The game plan.

Along with that, I have challenged Scott to stay away from McDonald's for Lent. So, this whole "not eating fast food" thing, will be extended!

He is going to push me and work with me to stop with my constant thinking and worrying and I am going to help to push him with this giving up McDonald's thing... which... he is doing quite well at!!

This all should be very interesting. Maybe after 40 days of not worrying, I can spend a lifetime of not worrying. Maybe after 40 days, I'll learn to use my outlets to let all my worrying out.

Fingers crossed.

Keep Smiling,

Karla =)

Dear Snow...

Please stop. Go away. I am done with you. I need May now. May needs to get here. It cannot come soon enough. I am so sick of being cold all the time and having to wear 10 million layers. I am sick of the yucky-ness and the slush and ice and horrible driving/walking conditions. I am tired of slipping and falling. Of course, I fall even without snow being on the ground. But, snow makes it THAT much easier for falling.

I had classes today, even though it snowed. School was not canceled until after I had gone to my classes. Oh well.

I feel like I have finally caught up on a lot of the work in my classes. I am not feeling AS overwhelmed I guess.

I did have some exciting plans for Spring Break to go down to Georgia and see my cousin Mike and his wife, April and their two children. I was going to bring S with me.

A friend asked me the other day why I still call him S when I have plastered pictures of him all over my blog. Technically, his identity has been revealed to all who read this and I know he doesn't care if his name is used SO...

His name is SCOTT! So Scott is what I will be calling him now.

Scott was supposed to come with me to Georgia but he can't seem to get the week off from work. So I will either go by myself, or will ditch the plans all together. Which sucks.

I danced a little bit yesterday until I was rudely told to shut off my music. I love living at home... not.

I have nothing interesting or exciting or out of the ordinary to post.

I am mad because the snow has ruined my plans with Scott.

Stupid snow.

I have no food either. Didn't grocery shop this week. Great. Now what?

Dominoes... hmmm..

This week needs to end.

Keep trying to smile..

Karla =)

Valentine's Day in NYC

And just like that...it's Monday morning again. I still loathe Monday mornings. And Monday's in general. I hate them. They come too soon.

I spent the Valentine's weekend with S. It was a lot of fun. We always have a good time together. With him, I feel like I can be me. It's a relief.

We went to NYC on Saturday. I had a huge surprise waiting for S as soon as we got off the train into Grand Central. Before we got out into the street, I gave him a piece of paper. It had a clue on it. YEP... I gave him a scavenger hunt that took us all over midtown Manhattan. I'm not sure how much he liked it, but I worked hard to make it fun. I hope he liked it.

The scavenger hunt had clues, and his job was to figure out what place the clue was talking about, and then get to that place. Since he has no idea where he is going in NYC, I did most of the navigation. But, he was able to successfully guess all the places without my help.

Something that he did for me, was take me on the horse and carriage rides that go around Central Park. I had never done this before, but had always wanted to. I had a blast. This was definitely the highlight of my day.

Below, was one of the places that he had to figure out in the scavenger hunt. I told him, "You'll find LOVE on 55th street and 6th avenue". He remembered a picture of this sculpture that I had posted on my blog a few days ago. He figured this out without any problem. We asked some lady to take our picture in front of it. Funny thing is... we both have found not only the sculpture of love, but love for each other as well. =)

Below, S is opening up his present. At the end of the scavenger hunt, I gave him an envelope. He had NO CLUE what it was. It was awesome for me to watch him so surprised when he opened.......

....tickets to go up to the EMPIRE STATE BUILDING!!! He had never been before, and I think that that is something that everyone should get a chance to do. Keep in mind, I am deathly afraid of heights. I hate heights. So, I was nervous about this the whole day. But, I knew I had to do it. I knew he had to see the view. I had seen it when I was about 10 years old, and I remember loving it. Now that I am older, I have more anxiety about tall buildings and heights. Especially after 9/11. Anyway, this was a huge deal for me. The fact that I faced my fear and went up there says a lot about how much S means to me, and how trusting I am of him. I knew that with him, I'd be okay. He was surprised that I did it, and I was surprised at myself too. I am so glad I did.

Below... pictures from the 86th floor of the Empire State Building.

Below is a picture of the cheesecake that I had for dinner on Saturday night. Yes, I said dinner. There is no way that I would have been able to eat normal food and then had room for this cheesecake. So, cheesecake came first. S took me to Junior's, a cheesecake place in NYC (Times Square). This cheesecake was AMAZING.

We took the train home and slept in on Sunday. S took me to see his high school and also introduced me to a Frosty (from Wendy's). I had never been to Wendy's before. As long as it wasn't McDonald's, I was up for giving it a try. Too bad I loved the Frosty. I was hoping to hate it. I think S is trying to turn me into a fast food junky... and I'm trying to turn him into an anti-fast food guy. Haha.

He is doing so well with his "no mcdonald's" for a month. People make fun of me constantly because I have that deal with him.

Oh well. I believe what I believe. And I believe that McDonald's takes years off people's lives. Especially when your eating it several times in one week.

I have already noticed a difference in him. Although, he thinks I'm crazy.

I have so much work to do this week. I hope to get some dancing in. I have wanted to post a dance video on the blog for so long. I have recorded myself a few times, but haven't liked anything enough to post it on here. Blaaah.

Alright,

all for now..

Keep Smiling,

Karla =) =) =)

Roses, Dance, & Photobooth

A few hours ago, a man came and rang my door. I opened it, and was surprised with a bouquet of roses from S!! My heart hasn't stopped pounding. I was dancing and jumping and twirling and bouncing and running and spinning and hopping all over the house. That's when I decided, I better dance... to get my energy out.

So, I danced. I haven't danced like I just did in a while. Maybe I have finally let her go. Maybe I have finally come to the conclusion that Mrs. Lathrop is no longer physically part of my world, but she is part of my dance world. Every time I dance, she is alive again... within me. I know it. I feel her there. All around me. Smiling, watching, approving. She is there. I'm at a good place again. =)

After dancing... I discovered photo booth on my Mac. It's cool!! I got some "typical dancer" shots of me. I actually kind of like them. Which is odd... because I'm a perfectionist about everything!! But here they are...

am i crazy? maybe.

but, i like crazy.

NYC tomorrow!!! AHHH!!!

Keep smiling,

Karla =) =) =)

I love snow sometimes.

My classes were cancelled yesterday and today! So, I am in a good mood. I have a lot of time to catch up on things I missed when I missed classes on Tuesday because I was sick. Technically, I didn't go to class at all this week except for Monday!

Since I have no class, I am going to be going to S's work to have lunch with him on his break. I'm excited. It's a nice change in my normal Thursday routine. It also gives me time to be in the car, where I get most of my thinking done. Driving is such a therapy for me... kind of like dancing. The difference is, when I drive, I get a lot of thinking done... and when I dance, I escape from thinking. Both are so healing.

I think I have probably dropped the few pounds I gained since I came back to school. I know I didn't drop them the right way. I know it's because I've been sick and have had no appetite.

I can't wait to dance tonight. I am actually excited this time. I keep thinking, Mrs. Lathrop is watching down. Smiling. =)

After dance, S is coming down and I'm making him dinner. That is a whole lot of S in one day. But, I don't care. I love it =)

I have a surprise for him for this Valentine's Day weekend. I hope he likes it. He reads this... so I can't broadcast my surprise on here. But, I will let you all know how it goes.

What I can tell you is this,

He is taking me to New York City on Saturday. I guess because he knows that I love it there, and that we'll have a good time. But really, I'd have a good time just sitting at home, as long as I were with him.

I have never been huge fan of Valentine's Day. Mainly because I feel like couples should have that kind of Valentine's Day romance everyday.

I know a couple that has that. My cousin, M and his wife, A.

Speaking of.... I talked with A yesterday on Facebook. She told me that I'm not crazy, and that it's okay to have these kind of feelings that I have for S. She told me a lot of things that I will remember forever... but one in particular..... it is not HARD to be with the right person. When you are with the right person, you just know. Every fiber in your being just... knows. She has found that with my cousin, and I hope that I too will find it, or that I already have found it.

A reads this blog from time to time... so... shout out to A! She probably wouldn't even mind if I used her real name on here, so... HI APRIL!! =)

Man... who knew that I would have such overwhelming feelings for someone when just a few months ago... I was in New York, being all cynnical over couples. I hated couples. Maybe it's because I didn't get it. I didn't get why they had happiness and I didn't. What did they have that I didn't have? ....

=)

Keep smiling,

Karla =) =) =)

Dear John

Okay so... this post has nothing to do with dance or weight loss or anything. Sometimes the posts in this blog are just mainly... my life. And although dance and weight and weight loss are huge parts of my life... I won't always be talking about them. But, I will talk about things that influence my life... and the movie, Dear John... is one of them.

I went to go see that movie last night with S. I have read the book, by Nicholas Sparks and couldn't wait to see the movie once I found out that it was coming out. It looked like a total chick flick, but S said that he didn't have a problem going to see it with me. There are plenty of other people that want to see it with me too, and I can't wait to go and see it again.

Yep, I liked the movie that much.

Why?

Simple.

The girl in the movie (and in the book) reminds me of me. The good girl, raised by her mother and father who were well off. She was raised in the country, on a farm. She always does things for others to make others happy and rarely thinks about her own happiness. For spring break, she helped a family rebuild a house that they had lost in a hurricane.

Much like me, she puts her happiness aside for the sake of others.

Until she meets a guy who changes her life...at least for a little while. She is introduced to her own happiness. She realizes that she too can be happy.

He is your typical "bad boy". Got into a few fights as a teenager, grew apart from his father, and had no mother figure in the home. The army is what changed his life and turned him into a man.

The two met... and it was like a match made in heaven. The match that every little girl hopes to find... the fairytale type match that ends with a happily ever after. The once in a lifetime match that is so rare and so little couples actually have that.

It took them 2 weeks to fall in love... and they stayed in love. She was curious. Always asking questions about John's life. Always wanted to know more and more about him. He was quiet, never really saying much. But for some reason, she brought out the best in him and he was able to make her happy. They both had something to give to each other.

That whole beginning half of the movie basically describes me...and my relationship with S. I have always been that girl that makes others happy. I put off my own happiness to see others smile. Seeing others happy and seeing others smile makes me whole. It's a good feeling. I feel like I have done something right. I often always sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of others.

It wasn't until I met S... that I realized just how truly happy I can be. I never thought something like this would happen. I never really believed in "love at first sight" and I know that all of this sounds really corny. But, I can't believe how head over heels I am for this guy. We've both been through a lot in life and we both have so much to learn from each other. We are so alike, yet so different that we balance each other out.

I never thought I could feel this way towards someone. I never thought it would happen so quickly. I have never fallen for someone this fast. So, who knows what will turn out of this. I have no timelines. I'm not rushing. I'm still young. I don't want to rush into a good thing. But what I know is that I have never been so happy with someone before in my life. I don't have to be fake around him, I can be me. He accepts me for who I am. I am so, so, so lucky.

It scares me that I have such strong feelings for S so soon. People keep telling me, "this is just the honeymoon stage, this is how you are supposed to feel". But I don't know... I feel like it is much more than that.

It doesn't matter what other people think anyway. That was my New Years resolution and I have done pretty well with keeping it.

What matters is that I am finally happy... after years and years and years of trying to find happiness. I have found it. I know I have. And, I'm just going to go with it, because I like where things are at right now... as far as my relationship with S goes. School is another story. But I am working on that.

S has been a God send. Something that I needed. He believes in me, he is there for me, he supports me. He brings out the best in me. When I am with him, I feel like a kid again. I feel alive. How crazy does that sound?

So yes... after about only a month or so of being with S.... I now have three loves.

Dance, Photography... and him.

Keep Smiling,

Karla =) =) =)

Sick

I have been hit hard with one of the worst head colds I have ever had in my life. I can't even begin to explain how painful it is. My head feels like a huge balloon that keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger... and I am waiting for it to pop.

There is this hammering type feeling behind my eyes. I am extremely sensitive to light. It sucks. I am also extremely sensitive to anything hot or cold against my teeth, and chewing food hurts because my jaw is so sore.

I am deaf in both ears. I can just barely hear myself typing this post. Talking is fine... my throat isn't sore at all. But, I can barely breath and sometimes its a struggle. I find myself out of breath a lot after bending over to tie my shoes or just walking from room to room.

Yeah... it's one of THOSE kinds of colds. It just came and sucked the life out of me. This morning, I felt like I had been run over a few times by a Mack truck.

Needless to say, I skipped both my classes today. I slept in til 11am... and then took a 2 hour nap this afternoon.

I got some work done, but not a lot. I was going to make an awesome dinner tonight because S is coming over... but I am too exhausted. I literally have no energy.

So, we are going to see a movie and get dinner instead. It will be nice for me to get out of this apartment. I have been stuck here all day.

We are supposed to get a HUGE snow storm. So, hopefully my classes tomorrow will be canceled and I can catch up on school work. It's been 3 weeks back at school and I already feel like I am behind.

Thank you to all of you who commented on my last post. I have a lot of thinking to do. I have to make a change in my life. Something needs to change. I need more dance. I need a new dance school. I need a new challenge. I need a job. I need to get away from this "on-campus" life. As much as I love my roommates and I believe that living on campus has been a great experience for me, I am ready to move on. I might even change schools in the fall. I just need change. I need something new. I need new inspiration. I need a new journey. I'm tired of this same old, same old.

More on that later.

til next time,

Karla =)

Still feeling low...

I had a good weekend. S spent the weekend at my house and we went out to Sherwood Island to take pictures on Sunday. It was a fun time even though it was really cold. I am really getting into photography, more than I thought I ever would. It is much like dancing... it helps me get away...escape into another world. It's great. =)

Here are some of my pictures.

Below.. you can see the Empire State Building from the Island we were on.

Superbowl was pretty fun. My family always has a party with tons of food and tons to drink. I had a good time. Although, I definitely ate too much.

I have gained a few pounds since break ended which I am not too happy about. I'm focusing on how I can workout here at school and also trying to eat healthier foods since portioning doesn't seem to be the issue because I eat very little throughout the day.

I am still down though. After the weekend and getting my mind off things, I am back at school, back in the dorm, and back to thinking about things. Thinking about Mrs. Lathrop and how much I miss her. Thinking about what I am doing here, confined to these four walls around me. What am I doing here at this school?

Why am I not in NYC chasing my dream and doing what I love to do?

That is all I want. Someday... my wish, my dream, my desire.... will come true.

It will.

til next time,

Karla =)

Heart to Heart

When all else fails, I dance.

That has been the norm for me for as long as I can remember. I dance when I am happy, sad, angry, confused, curious, inspired... you name it. But for some reason, I have been in this funk. I hear music playing but it doesn't inspire me like it used to. Don't worry! This is just a phase. I am not like, quitting dance or anything anytime soon.

Sometimes when all else fails, I write.

Writing has always helped me through things. When I have 10 million thoughts swimming around in my head, I like to write them down. First, so that I can get the thoughts from my head, to the paper. That way, my head is clear. Second, writing down my thoughts makes them a lot more organized rather than having my thoughts swimming around aimlessly in my head.

Sometimes when all else fails, I vent.

There are those few people in my life who I trust. These people are the people that I vent to. They listen, give advice, and put up with my bitching...for lack of a better word. Talking is my last resort after dancing and writing because I hate bothering people with my insignificant problems.

But... last night... when neither dance nor writing seemed to help my crappy mood and all time low feeling... I talked.

I talked to my Aunt after dance class. She asked me what has been up with me lately, since I have missed a few dance classes and haven't been talking with her much. She knew that something was up. I told her that with costume day, I was stressing out... I still have a mindset of getting really anxious before costume day. I also told her that every Thursday, I start feeling sick right before dance class.

Then, it hit her. And it hit me too.

She said, "Karla, she would be so proud of you right now. You just have to let her go, stop holding on...and trust that she'll always be with you when you dance".

So... she nailed it. The root of this problem. The reason why I have only been to my dance class ONCE since November! (I have danced at home. Over break I danced everyday)

But, I have not gone to my actual class nearly enough. Deep down inside, I knew why. I just didn't want to face the music! Literally!

It just isn't the same without Mrs. Lathrop around. We got our costumes last night, and she wasn't there. That is so weird. She is always there.

I had a dream about her last night.

She was looking at me and smiling. That was it. That was all I needed.

Now I am asking that she looks down on me, keeps me strong, keeps me inspired. Because right now, I feel lost without her. She seriously was my guiding light. Dance is a struggle without her around.

I miss you. I love you. Forever. =)

til next time,

Karla =)

Uh-Oh

I am not in a good place right now.

Mentally and emotionally speaking. (and physically too I guess.)

I am thinking this has a lot to do with mother natures gift to me yesterday.

I'm in a funk.

I want to dance so badly, but as soon as I turn on music... my mind runs blank.

I am not inspired.

I hear music... and moves don't come out.

My body isn't coming alive.

I'm not hearing the music the way I used to.

I feel like crying and screaming and throwing things all at the same time.

I do not want to go to dance tonight. I have my period and the last thing I want to do is try on dance costumes.

I want to run and hide and never come back.

This morning was one of those..."I'd much rather just pull the blanket over my head and hide from the world today" kind of mornings.

Things aren't okay right now. And I hate it.

I am letting myself get in my own way.

I know this is just temporary.... but I HATE IT. SO MUCH.

And I don't know how to make it go away besides playing the waiting game.

I just can't smile today.

Maybe tomorrow,

Karla =(

A gift for me and it's not even my birthday

Yeah, yesterday I received a gift. It didn't come all wrapped in a box with a red bow... but red had quite a lot to do with it.

YEP... it was my monthly gift from Mother Nature!

I am currently supposed to be in class, but I am skipping it because I need my fix. I need Cold Stone Creamery. Right. Now.

My roommate and I are both dealing with our gifts together, and so we are going to Cold Stone as soon as she gets out of the shower. I can't wait!!!!! I am going to get the largest thing they have!

Do keep in mind that today is Wednesday...meaning tomorrow is Thursday...which means tomorrow is dance day... and costume day.... and I am eating Cold Stone the night before costume day.

Oi vey.

To be honest, I don't even care. So there.

Last night was fun. Things got a little crazy. S and I finished off a whole bottle of champagne all by ourselves. I definitely was feeling it since I am not much of a drinker. But, it was a good night. =)

Now stop listening to me and watch this. You'll be glad you did.

Such awesomeness.

til next time,

Karla =)

Tripping up the stairs...

... is what I do best.

I try to stay away from the elevators at all times. Keep in mind that I do live on the top floor of my dormitory. The 7th floor. Penthouse... as we like to call it.

I use the stairs as often as possible. Usually, I run up the stairs... you know... I like to just get it over with and be at the 7th floor already.

So, today was the usual sprint up the stairs, with the usual trip at around the 5th or 6th floor when my legs are getting tired. But this time, I fell.

Luckily, I just laughed to myself, brushed myself off, and kept on going.

This is the attitude that I am trying to have now about ALL things.

Tiny bumps in the road used to agitate me beyond belief. Like... red lights, slow drivers, being late, bad hair day, rain, wind, forgetting breakfast, tripping.... stuff like that.

Now- I have decided to challenge myself. This was one of my New Years resolutions. Try and not be bothered by the little things.

Just pick your head back up, and MOVE ON.

The absolute champion at this is...my best friend. She's dealt with pain in her life numerous times. She has recently dealt with health issues that people her age should not have to worry about. She has seen her fair share of struggles. We are alike in that way. I too, have told her my struggles and my past. She has given me advice countless times. But some of her best advice has been to just suck it up...get over it... move on.

So... so far so good on the whole "not letting things bother me" resolution.

* In other news... the ground hog saw his shadow. 6 more weeks of winter. UGH.

After Christmas, I am ready to just skip on over to May. Who needs January-April? Unless of course, your birthday happens to land on one of those days. I really miss the spring/summer weather. The weather that allows you to actually walk outside without being bombarded by ice coldness. Ya know?

** S's "no McDonald's for a month" promise is going well. It's funny, he tells me everything that he eats for lunch so that I know that he didn't go to McDonald's. I trust that he is telling me the truth. I think he might be just as curious as I am to see if he notices a difference in the way his body/energy feels at the end of the month.

He doesn't know this yet... but I want to take him running this weekend. It will be interesting to see how much stamina he has and see how long he can run without stopping. I know he is a fast runner, but I'd like to see if he can go long distances. Then.... at the end of the month... I want to take him running again to see if he was able to run for longer. I know that diet plays a HUGE role in your energy/strength/stamina... so this should be an interesting experiment. Maybe. Hopefully.

I will be able to dance today if I get all my work done. I really do need the practice!! I miss dancing for hours everyday like I did when I was on break.

Game night is tonight with the roommates. S is coming too. Should be fun. We are making mimosa's... my favorite!!

til next time,

Karla =)

KFC and my weekend

Weekends go by so incredibly fast, it's kind of ridiculous.

I spent the entire weekend with "S". It was nice. He is an amazing guy, a hard worker, and is so good to me. It is so nice to have someone to talk to, to count on. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, and my roommates... but a relationship with someone is just... different.

It has only been a short time, but we have both opened up to each other and everything feels so right. I haven't been this happy in a long time. Yes, we have our disagreements, debates, and typical couple things like that. It's what is making us stronger.

I wasn't expecting things to be going as well as they are. But, I'm not complaining and I hope we continue to thrive as a couple. I am just happy to be with him and to see where things lead.

"S" met my 4 year old cousin, Adam, on Saturday. We took him out for ice cream and played outside for as long as we could stand the frigid weather. "S" and Adam got along great! I was so happy. It was an awesome time because Adam means so much to me. He is kind of like a child of my own, he brings out the "kid" in me. So it was important that "S" met him, and I'm glad that he did.

I met S's grandparents the other day. They made us lasagna. They are Italian so the meal was SO good!! I think they liked me. I hope they did, because I liked them a lot. They were very welcoming which was nice because I have had bad experiences in the past with meeting relatives of my past BF's.

Now onto the "KFC" part of this post.

I live in a small town in Connecticut. I live about 15-20 minutes from any kind of fast food restaurant... and before college, I had never been to a Dairy Queen or even Dominoes Pizza. And I definitely had never been to KFC.

That changed on Saturday night. S took me to KFC for the very first time. He ordered me this...

It looks kind of gross. It's mashed potatoes, corn, popcorn chicken, and grated cheese.

Now... most of you who read my blog must know that I am not a fast food kind of girl. I don't eat fast food. I used to eat it a lot before I started WW... but since starting WW one year ago, I have only had fast food twice.

Let me tell you.... I was hoping to HATE this mashed potato concoction. Sadly.... I LOVED IT. IT WAS SO GOOD!!

Though, I will not be running back to KFC anytime soon for another one... but I definitely would order this again if I needed food in a hurry.

But let me also inform all you bloggers out there.... that small bowl of mashed potatoes, chicken, cheese, and corn.... is ..... (drumroll please)

710 calories and 261 calories from fat!!!!! YIKES!

Let that simmer in your head for a little while!

Alright... all for now..

til next time-

Karla =)