Heart to Heart

When all else fails, I dance.

That has been the norm for me for as long as I can remember. I dance when I am happy, sad, angry, confused, curious, inspired... you name it. But for some reason, I have been in this funk. I hear music playing but it doesn't inspire me like it used to. Don't worry! This is just a phase. I am not like, quitting dance or anything anytime soon.

Sometimes when all else fails, I write.

Writing has always helped me through things. When I have 10 million thoughts swimming around in my head, I like to write them down. First, so that I can get the thoughts from my head, to the paper. That way, my head is clear. Second, writing down my thoughts makes them a lot more organized rather than having my thoughts swimming around aimlessly in my head.

Sometimes when all else fails, I vent.

There are those few people in my life who I trust. These people are the people that I vent to. They listen, give advice, and put up with my bitching...for lack of a better word. Talking is my last resort after dancing and writing because I hate bothering people with my insignificant problems.

But... last night... when neither dance nor writing seemed to help my crappy mood and all time low feeling... I talked.

I talked to my Aunt after dance class. She asked me what has been up with me lately, since I have missed a few dance classes and haven't been talking with her much. She knew that something was up. I told her that with costume day, I was stressing out... I still have a mindset of getting really anxious before costume day. I also told her that every Thursday, I start feeling sick right before dance class.

Then, it hit her. And it hit me too.

She said, "Karla, she would be so proud of you right now. You just have to let her go, stop holding on...and trust that she'll always be with you when you dance".

So... she nailed it. The root of this problem. The reason why I have only been to my dance class ONCE since November! (I have danced at home. Over break I danced everyday)

But, I have not gone to my actual class nearly enough. Deep down inside, I knew why. I just didn't want to face the music! Literally!

It just isn't the same without Mrs. Lathrop around. We got our costumes last night, and she wasn't there. That is so weird. She is always there.

I had a dream about her last night.

She was looking at me and smiling. That was it. That was all I needed.

Now I am asking that she looks down on me, keeps me strong, keeps me inspired. Because right now, I feel lost without her. She seriously was my guiding light. Dance is a struggle without her around.

I miss you. I love you. Forever. =)

til next time,

Karla =)