Twenty Ten

I haven't blogged since Tuesday! Time really flies by! I was spending a few days (on a whim) with one of my roommates for New Years. I am now back home and can write this post.

I know it's corny, but it's a "letter to me". I do it every year.. but this is the first year that I'll be posting it on this blog. So here goes.

2009. What a roller coaster of a year. I remember how it started. I was sipping champagne and watching the ball drop at my house, alone. I think it was snowing that night and I never got a chance to get out...or maybe it was the fact that I didn't want to go out. I hated myself... and never wanted to go anywhere. I kissed my BF through the phone at midnight, and went to bed.

January proved to be a very relaxing month and was also the first month of my weight loss mission. The weight was shed very quickly as I lost 10lbs in the first 2 weeks. Every week there after, it would be 1lb here, 2lbs there. I was getting healthier and happier throughout the end of winter and into spring.

Dance recitals came and I was able to finally feel more like myself again. I was comfortable in the costumes, and able to dance so much better. By then, I had lost 20lbs.

Summer went by too fast. But, it was by far the best summer of my life. I accomplished so much and made memories that I will never forget. The summer started with an awesome concert, then work started up (I work with some of my best friends), July 4th was a great time, my birthday rolled around and my friends and I went horseback riding (I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in my life), I worked with the Rockette's toward the end of the summer.. it doesn't get any better than that.

Little did I know that come Fall... I would be hit with 3 of the biggest difficulties that I had to encounter. Breaking up with my BF of 6 years was one of them. I didn't see that coming... but it was for the best. I am happier now because of it, and I know I made the best choice. I am a better person because of our breakup. I am more independent, and don't feel as much pressure anymore. Mrs. Lathrop's death was the second. I was devastated by it. My world was thrown upside down. Though, even from that... I have learned, grown, and again, I believe that I have become a better person because of it. I now dance more often, trying to emulate her every move. I try harder. I push harder... and one day, like her, I hope to make my dreams of being a professional dancer a reality too. The third was of course, my very first car accident. It was a near death experience that I am grateful to have survived.

Well.. 2009 ended quite similarly to how it started, I was sipping champagne and watching the ball drop... but this time... I was not alone. I was surrounded by some of my closest friends. I actually liked myself this time, and was happy with all my accomplishments. Even more shocking, I kissed a different guy at midnight.

It was the first New Years that I was truly happy. The first New Years where I could look back on the year 2009 and think... wow... I lost 30lbs... I dealt with 2 of the biggest blows that I didn't see coming... I dealt with a near death experience in my very first car accident... and I am lucky to be alive to think back on it. For once, my resolution is not to lose weight, or to try and find happiness. It's already been found. I find happiness everyday in my family, my friends, in dance. Through the help of this blog and WW, I have finally found my happiness again.

So now 2010. What more could I possibly accomplish for 2010 then I haven't already accomplished. Well, that is easy. Now that I have accomplished the biggest thing.. losing weight... now comes the harder stuff.

I need to maintain this weight that I am at right now. I may plan on losing just a few more pounds, while keeping toned. I am not totally sure yet. But, what is most important is staying in shape and keeping my weight stable. I also want to finish choreographing the 2 dances that I have started. One is contemporary while the other is more hip hop. I want to video tape it. Another goal of mine is to find 2 or 3 more dancers so that I could choreograph a group number.

I want to try out for the Rockette's in May. Of course, I would kind of hope not to make it, because I still need to finish school. But, I would try out just for the experience and so that I can be more prepared for the try out in 2011. I would also like to work with the Rockette's again in the summer as I did last summer. That was a huge learning experience for me.

Another important "goal" of mine is to be careful with my heart. I will never again let another 6 years go by with someone who I am not completely compatible with. I will never again be taken advantage of. I deserve to be treated right. I deserve to be with someone who can understand where I come from and who can progress at my speed. I need someone who can support me, be there for me... but also know when to give me my own space, my own time.

For too long I thought my life had been all worked out. I was supposed to be engaged this year.. I was supposed to marry the guy I was with for 6 years of my life. Everything had a timeline. EVERYTHING.

Well...out with the timelines. They were not realistic. Life doesn't go that way. We make plans and have crazy expectations...but sometimes life throws things at you that you may not be ready for. Life is not all planned out... that is the point. How boring would it be if it was all planned out... we'd all know what was around the corner.

Lucky for us... it's not that way at all. We don't know what is coming around the corner. We don't know what lies ahead, what will happen tomorrow.. or if we will even see another tomorrow. What we do know is that life hits us with things that we must face. We become stronger people because of it.

No more timelines. I am now working on letting this thing called life just unfold and unravel naturally. Timelines are not reality and will only depress me even more.

Another goal of mine... DO NOT let people tell me that I can't do something. DO NOT let people come in the way of my dreams. This has been one of the greatest obstacles for me. My father is actually my biggest non-supporter. He doesn't think I will ever make it to where I want to be. He tells me everyday. He tells me when I dance, he asks me why I bother. It's upsetting... and I let it get to me too much. No more. My goal is to learn to let negativity slip off my shoulder. I plan on surrounding myself with positive people instead of the negative.

So there, 2009 in a nutshell and my goals for 2010. This is the first year that I have gone into with my head held high and feeling stronger than ever.

Twenty Ten... here I come.

til next time,

Karla =)